Life is insane for me. I don’t know what happened. I’ve had so many “I hate being an adult days” lately. I can’t even begin to tell you. I love my life, I’m so blessed but it’s also beginning to move past the “honeymoon” stage and more into “this is your life” stage.
I think a few things have changed that have made life more real.
1. First I decided not to watch TV anymore, except with my husband. This leaves my days very quiet and filled with time that I didn’t think I had. It awoke something in me. Maybe I used TV as a drug to escape from real life? Anyhow, it’s gone and I spend much more time working everyday. Which I am ashamed to admit, I don’t like that much.
2. My daughter is much more demanding. This is by far my favorite stage. She sits on her own and plays, she feeds herself, she babbles and talks to me, naps twice a day, she laughs and plays peek-a-boo, she loves to read books with me, she loves it when I sing songs to her, she loves being outside and she loves trying to stand up and take little baby steps while holding onto my hands. All of this is so fun and rewarding, but much more time consuming. Before when she needed to eat, all I did was pop her on to nurse and we’d be done. Now, I need to cook, set up, watch my daughter take an hour to eat, clean her up and clean up the massive mess she made. I love feeding times so much. But they are time consuming. Ha! She also love to be played with, no more just sticking her in the swing and hoping she’ll watch the little animals rotate, over and over again. Instead, there’s a lot of pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo to be played.
3. House hunting. Oh, how I loathe thee. I always dreamed that the search for my first home would be a fantastic, whimsical experience. NOT! I do enjoy looking at homes and dreaming about living in them but that really is the extent of it. We did get an offer accepted to a place in a gorgeous area, so I’m hoping that we’ll soon be finished with this process.
4. Concerns about my daughter’s health. She’s great. She’s wonderful and beautiful. She is happy and really joyful but is not really gaining weight. She eats like crazy, so we don’t know if it’s just that she has a fast metabolism or if she’s a late bloomer and will just sprout up all at once or what. The pediatrician doesn’t seem too worried but I am constantly thinking and praying about it. It causes me to be concerned about things that shouldn’t be a big deal. Like, she has no teeth yet, she doesn’t really crawl, she doesn’t really say “words.” I guess it’s just the nature of a parent to be concerned about your child.
I hope this isn’t coming out as just complaining, I don’t mean it to. I love my family. This is my dream. I do think that more of the reality is coming into play. This is martyrdom, not just a happily ever after. This is a battle, a struggle. I should always be on the alert. I’m learning. I am merely a beginner.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11